Okay, so I'm doing it. I'm growing my hair out for the winter, going all shaggy-styley because Chicago is a cold assed city and I won't wear hats in public.

Still, I've made this attempt in the past and whenever I go in for a "clean up", the hairstylist seems to hear "shave it all off" and I hear the damning *SKRRRRITCH* of the scissors across my bangs before I can say anything to stop them.

So, like, I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm a pretty articulate guy. I think I'm fairly specific when I say "just clean it up a little, I'm letting it grow out". That doesn't mean I want a really short haircut with a minimum of clipper action. No. It means I want bangs I can chew. It means I want a party in the back AND a party in the front. I've been to my foofie-shma-shma hairstylist and the el cheapo hairstylist I keep on the side, and they both look at my head like a lawn that is to be mowed down to the soil. Maybe it's their way of saying I'm a short hair person and not a long hair person. I don't know. I don't get it.